Copywriters in Love

They're massaging body copy on a squeeze page. Using S-E-Oh, my.

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This is a screenplay in progress for a romantic comedy about… copywriters. Yes, copywriters.

Our opening is deliberately “meta:” we are watching a steamy trailer for a movie called “Copywriters In Love,” as if it already exists. After the trailer ends, we cut to the copywriter who’s watching this on TV. And his dumbfounded reaction to it.

SCENE ONE

FADE IN:

STUDIO LOGO over stirring music

PROMO ANNOUNCER: Now. From the studio that gave you…

An astronaut jumping from a space shuttle.

PROMO ANNOUNCER: “Attorneys in Space”…

A woman walking by the ocean.

PROMO ANNOUNCER: And “Accountants at Sea”…

A series of steamy shots of a few couples, as if taken from romance novel covers, changing with these beats:

PROMO ANNOUNCER: Comes a story sizzling with sin… and syntax. “Copywriters in Love.” Wordsmiths who never dangle participles. Or bury the lede. These writers massage body copy on a squeeze-page… and pry open-rate conversions with S-E-Oh, my. Even after hours, they’re placing headers. And pulling footers. From a heat map above the fold. Can they keep their jobs… and their oxford commas?

A fireplace ignites.

PROMO ANNOUNCER: “Copywriters in Love.” Starring…

Close-up on the actors as the announcer names them.

PROMO ANNOUNCER: Spurl Neiman. Rebecca Shoreline. Lil’ Brag. And Walt Jaschek as the Creative Director Who Should Have Retired By Now.

COPYWRITERS IN LOVE LOGO

PROMO ANNOUNCER: Copywriters In Love. (Quietly:) Fade In.

SCREEN CRASHES TO BLACK. THEN:

A man’s hand holding a remote. He’s just turned the TV off.

WOODROW’S VOICE (finishes the phrase) What. The. Heck!

Reverse angle from the TV as we see who’s watching it. It’s WOODROW WILCOX, a 20something copywriter in his living room. He’s good-looking, but it’s early: he’s in frumpy, unglamorous sleepwear, has a bad case of bedhead and his coffee cup is a Marvel mug. There’s a dog asleep on the sofa. Holding the remote out, Woodrow is slightly perplexed by the trailer he’s just seen.

WOODROW: Huh. (beat) I had no idea we were in such a sexy profession.

The dog looks up.

GIRLFRIEND’S VOICE (from off): What was that, babe?

WOODROW (yelling back): I had no idea we were in such a sexy profession!

GIRLFRIEND’S VOICE (from off): How do you mean?

Woodrow starts to answer, decides to shrug it off and return to the business of waking up. He exits, scratching himself. He’s a copywriter, all right. But hardly as glamorous as the ones on the screen.

For the moment.

END SCENE ONE